@JennyJohnsonHi5: According to Facebook, Sept. 11th is about posting as many pictures of crying bald eagles obscured by an American flag as you can.

@Darlainky: I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I've no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I'll need a drink as I wait for a ride.

@ArfMeasures: ME: This house is haunted by a teenager who died here HIM: Nothing is happening ME: It's midday, he doesn't get up until mid-afternoon

@sofarrsogud: My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.

@rickelverum: Her: “Men are creepy!” Me, from inside of the closet: “Yes, we are.”