Technically, any crime is a petty crime if you bring your pet to assist you during the crime.

You Might Also Like


Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.


[on date]
ME: Watch this [puts chopsticks up nose, does silly face]
DATE: This isn’t even a Chinese restaurant did you bring those with you?


Just for once I wanna be able to say “It wasn’t my fault” without 4 people breaking down why it was my fault


I’m a gentleman, so I when I see a woman about to open a door, I sprint up and tackle her back, so a man can open it for her.


“Dude, what’s with the outfit?”

“Bruh, I got a job as a bouncer”
*hops away in kangaroo costume*


If you honk at me at a light, I turn off my engine, get out and blow up my car. I think it’s important to demonstrate what true commitment to road rage looks like.


Capri sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies


Me: Okay, 5yo, are you ready for your morning math lesson?

5yo: Hold on. Let me get my laser gun.