Dog: I am more loyal, intelligent, and social
Dog: I am faster, stronger, and more dangerous
*power goes out*
Dog: *panics and runs directly into the wall in the dark, knocking himself out cold*
Cat: you were saying
Technically, it’s not road rage once you pull into their living room.
You Might Also Like
You’re not allowed to be an eyewitness on the news unless you’re the most confused person at the scene.
Why do people put ice cream in a bowl when it already comes in one?
I bet nobody noticed Superman flying around at first, so Clark just started pointing out every bird and plane until it caught on
her: HELP ME! I’m bleeding out!
me: Not on my watch you aren’t!
her: Oh, my hero! Thank you!
me [tucking watch in pocket] Huh?
Picture me and my boyfriend on a dinner date
We’re sitting on the same side of the table making you uncomfortable
ME: Your lizard keeps biting me.
THEM: That’s a cactus
i think a group of white people should be called a brunch.