Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink.
Teenaged Shark: *opening lunch box* ughh not peanut butter and jellyfish AGAIN
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You hang Up.
“No you hang Up.”
No YOU hang Up.
“No YOU hang Up.”
– couple fighting while hanging Pixar movie posters
Your friends will stand by you even when you’re at your worst because people are stupid
“it’s just like walking, except now you have to move your mass AND this 2,000lb vehicle.”
fred flintstone: i’ll take it!
During your interview, try ending every sentence with “dot jpg”.
“How would you say you handle job pressure?”
–Not a problem.jpg
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
When I’m texting, I start typing faster when i see you’re typing too. Oh, IT’S ON!! #amazingrace
The best thing about coming from a big family is being able to talk louder than normal people.
Me- “Sorry I can’t”
Friend- “Why not?”
M- “Working on my book”
F- “Neato! What about?”
M- “It’s a collection of ways to escape obligations”