@PsstCaptain: Teens today have it so easy. We didn't have self-checkout lanes when WE bought condoms.
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@shegotagronk: Pretty cool that there's no law saying you can't name your kid Squidward if you want.
@carlyken: [a door mysteriously slams shut] me: *spooked* what was that the ghost haunting my home: just me still haunting lol me: thank goodness I thought I left a window open
@NintenDom: I'm going to name my first kid Authorized Personnel so they can go wherever they want in life.
@drhappyknuckles: It's embarrassing when you offer a bus seat to a pregnant woman but she's not a pregnant woman, he's your boss and you're stoned at work.