Tell me again why was it necessary to dress as Snow White & bring a basket of eggs to the delivery?

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Kinda cool how they based an entire country off of Mexican food.


Friend: you should come over tonight. we’re watching ‘How to Train Your Dragon 2’



Me: to what?



I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.


They say money talks, but mine barely gets a chance to introduce itself before it’s gone.


I accidentally ate one of my dog’s bones and OH MY GOD THE MAILMAN’S OUTSIDE


“Did you just fall?” “No. I attacked the floor.” “Backwards?” “I’m freaking talented!”


Read an article that said Google is making us dumber. whatever, I’ve always used Google and I’m super [googles synonym for smart] able.