Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I’d say not relating well to other sentient beings.
-I meant about the janitor job.
Me: Oh ya, I don’t know how to sweep
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Dream catchers imply the existence of dream pitchers, dream shortstops, an entire dream team.
“bill gates wants to microchip me” u are not interesting enough to be microchipped paul no one cares that u go to bass pro shop 8 times a week
My mom has a habit of replying my texts with NOTED
Me:I love you
Me:Rebels have come and abducted your husband
*deep fries turkey
*deep fries deck
*deep fries backyard
*deep fries house
*deep fries neighborhood
*deep fries los angeles
that wasn’t the question
Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness?
Me: oh that’s a brilliant question
Interviewer: But what’s the answer?
HOST: First up we have… Oh-
ME: [dislocates shoulder waving to camera]
Calls for kids: Nobody responds.
Gets on phone: Two kids yelling for me while fighting, the other asking what’s for dinner when it’s 9 am.