Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you’re making me pitch a tent.
Ten years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash & Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash, & no rope to hang myself with if I read this again.
You Might Also Like
It finally happened! The flight attendant asked “is there a doctor on this flight?” and I leapt up and said yes!
Did a tracheotomy at 30,000ft with a razor blade and ballpoint pen.
He didn’t make it, but the thrill was undeniable. Thinking of going to doctor school now.
When I’m backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ
Comparing yourself to others
I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
Mugger: Give me your wallet!
Me: Back off! I know karate.
Me: Well, he called my bluff.
Doctor: You have lost a lot of blood.
Boss: John, tell me your greatest weakness
B: I don’t think that’s a weakness
M: I don’t give a shit what you think.
Me: Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Minister: That’s not really appropriate for wedding vows.
This puppy is lit but those puppies are litter