quarantine day 3
[texting old friend I only hung out with cuz they had a trampoline] do u still got that trampoline
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I’m the Cinderella of finding one shoe at a sale and not finding the other and losing my own along the way.
5: can i play the wii?
me: does mommy usually let u guys this early in the morning?
5: but she’s still sleeping!!
me: i don’t want to die today.
If god didn’t like sex, He wouldn’t make us scream His name when it’s really hot.
Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist….basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch the first flight off of this planet.
Sorry I wrote “harvest organs” on your chart when I visited you in the hospital.
I’ve worn glasses three quarters of my life, but I still manage to poke myself in the eye every now and then putting them on!
I used to think sex in those apocalyptic movies was so dumb cuz who would want sex when everything’s going to shit? I do, I want sex.. I changed my mind.
“Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?”
*throws pineapple against grocery store wall*
“Ah nuts that was a good one.”