16: ‘What was it like when you were growing up?’
Me: *takes cell phone-throws him outside*
‘Be back at six!’
16: ‘Wait, Dad I-‘
Texting you back right away doesn’t make me a psycho.
What makes me a pyscho is watching you through your window while petting your cat.
You Might Also Like
My mom just told me she’s been watching that “Game of Thongs” show.
Gawd I hope she’s just saying it wrong.
You strike me as one of those people who show up and debunk all the fun in the last 2 minutes of an otherwise scintillating UFO TV program.
Me: I can’t live like this anymore, I need to start eating healthier.
Also Me: I couldn’t decide between nuggets or a burger so I got both.
I don’t really have a “blood type.” I think all bloods can surprise you if you just give them a chance.
healthy as a horse? they literally can’t walk down the street without shitting themselves but sure, ok
This train was so long I had time to file my nails and my taxes.
Wow, it’s a beautiful day outside. I should probably do something.
*closes the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen*
Group- “Can believe Jesus just turned water into wine?!”
Me- *cutting up lines of table salt* “hey um, Jesus… soo can you do me a favor?”
With all due respect to the Spice Girls. If you’re gonna be my lover, I would prefer it if you didn’t get with my friends