When I’m horny, I stroll into rooms on all fours, with my ass shaking up in the air, meowing incessantly until someone throws a shoe at me.
ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game.
me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident.
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”Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.” -Jesus flirting in a bar
Romeo: …arise fair sun, and kill the envious moon
*Romeo slides an envelope of money over*
Romeo: *whispers* make it look like an accident
[Commercial for Legos]
Have you ever cursed in front of your kids? Want to?
“Pharaoh, we have completed the pyramids. They align to communicate with the galaxy”
Sweet. Hey look at these stupid cats I drew LOL
Always the best looking one in the room.
**Restroom stall whatever
I see dead people.
Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid “falls” down a well.
ME: let’s go to the International House of Pancakes
GERALD (a bunny): Ihop?
ME: you can do whatever you want, gerald, i’m getting pancakes
professor x: whats your superpower
ostrich: i lay big egg
professor x [telepathically to xmen]: i can save us money on breakfast
ostrich [telepathically]: egg no for sale