My printer: Sorry, can’t print this out – I’m very low on magenta ink
Me: But I’m literally printing black text – there’s no red in it
My printer: Feed me magenta or you get nothing
texts from ur dentist:
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I’ve been in ur mouth
You Might Also Like
Hey people who design vacuums- Why the headlight?
Are people vacuuming in the dark? or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen?
wouldn’t it have been easier to use shovels?
just a heads up. i will be running around the house. as fast as possible. for the next 15 seconds. i will have no regard for furniture. or any individuals in my way. when i am done. do not ask me why i have done this. because i do not know
American Diner: How’d you like your eggs?
American: 2 egg golds, 2 egg blankets, Over – under, flip cut, tray wide smooth, smiley side West.
British Cafe: Eggs?
British Person: please.
If you’re ever having a bad day, just watch this video of a man trying to deep-fry gnocchi
One thing I’ve learned about pizza jokes…
It’s all in the delivery.
SOCRATES: [dying] Plato, my dear pupil, I’ve always wanted to tell you something.
PLATO: Yes, my teacher.
SOCRATES: I often made sweet sweet love to your mom. Now please take good care of my documents.
PLATO: [Socrates’s funeral] Too bad he left us no writing.
My son couldn’t remember his head injury from the other day. That’s either a very good sign or a very bad sign.