Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don’t think I am real anymore.
texts from ur dentist:
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I’ve been in ur mouth
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5: “I’m so tough because I NEVER cry!”
Me: “What?! You were crying about spiders earlier.”
5: *cries* “BUT THEY HAVE 8 LEGS!”
Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating.
Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.
Nonwriters: How do you write a book?
Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again
Nonwriters: Then you’re done?
Writers: Then you start the next paragraph
Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
me: don’t let her know you vocalise everything you think
me: shit she knows
Laying an egg once a month would have been preferable. Thanks for nothing.
~ All women
She invited me over for a romantic dinner and told me I was the dessert.
I wanted ice cream.
If I had a time machine I would go back to the Star Wars era and kill baby Darth Vader
If you zoom out during the opening credits of “Friends,” you’ll see that the security guard who protects that fountain is DEAD.