@justinbieber

Thank god madagascar 3 is coming out. Just didnt get the closure i needed with the first 2

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@Skullcat

What if ants aren’t insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?

@JustMeTurtle

Adrenaline Junky:
*Almost falls to certain death*
WHAT A RUSH!!

Me:
*Almost drops grilled cheese sandwich*
SAMESIES!!

@RickAaron

I like to sit in the hotel hot tub with a bunch of potatoes, peas & carrots. I introduce myself as Stew.

@RachelNoise

If women had written the Bible, snoring would be considered a deviant behavior and/or manifestation of evil.

@BoscoPorter

You guys ever try boiled pasta? It’s not as crunchy but it’s alright

@mompsychologist

6yo has two pregnant Barbies and one Ken doll. You could cut the tension in the Barbie camper with a tiny stiletto.

@skillsmcgill

Save money on laser removal of ‘love hate’ knuckle tattoos, by changing the last letter to an ‘s’ and developing an interest in millinery.