When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters
Thank goodness my food comes pre-murdered. I don’t know if I could do that.
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We might appreciate window lickers more if they had squeegees for tongues.
Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor.
I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared.
Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.
*5 puts on shoes*
Me: they’re on the wrong feet.
5: but I can’t…
5 I don’t have any more feet to put them on.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
RAPUNZEL: oh no I’m out of hair
JOHNNY DEPP: *unraveling scarves* I got this
It’s my patriotic duty to eat bbq and wave sparklers this weekend. Don’t wreck it with words like “calorie count” and “hair on fire”.
Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?
Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve others’ looks.