@PickleRudd
@AnOrangeSNES
When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters
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@AnOrangeSNES
@AlanFelyk
We might appreciate window lickers more if they had squeegees for tongues.
@_b1p0larbear
Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor.
I don’t know whether to be impressed or scared.
@thenatewolf
Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.
@Playing_Dad
*5 puts on shoes*
Me: they’re on the wrong feet.
5: but I can’t…
Me: can’t..?
5 I don’t have any more feet to put them on.
Me: touche
@LMFaye
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
@TuSoonShakur
RAPUNZEL: oh no I’m out of hair
JOHNNY DEPP: *unraveling scarves* I got this
@Donna_McCoy
It’s my patriotic duty to eat bbq and wave sparklers this weekend. Don’t wreck it with words like “calorie count” and “hair on fire”.
@kind_ofa_bitch
Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?
@DevilryFun
Drinking pineapple juice will improve your complexion and adding rum will improve othersβ looks.