If you’re responsible for the fruit tray, then your family has zero faith in your culinary skills
thank u scooby doo. u taught me that monsters aren’t real and that the thing hiding in my closet is actually an unhinged museum curator draped in a white bedsheet
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The main problem with gay marriage is when two men hold the knife to cut the cake they will be too strong and cut through the plate & table.
I don’t know how he put it in from that angle, but I liked it.
-me watching hockey
Waiter, Waiter, my date spilled her water.
No problem, I’ll get you another one.
Thanks, but make sure she likes football.
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
Contest: “Wrong hole.”
interviewer: what’s your greatest strength
me: you tell me
me: that’s right
Me: I’m the world’s most gullible person
Me: well apparently not
date: why are u talking to me like i’m a news anchor
me: sorry i do it when i’m nervous. back to you, karen.
With the ferocity that my 6 y/o daughter knocked on the bathroom door there was either a murderer in the house or a cat did something cute