Raccoon: So lemme get this straight: I’m adorable?
God: *chuckles* Yes
Raccoon: Would make a great pet?
God: Oh my yes
Raccoon: Wow, I must be man’s best friend!
God: *shakes head* They call you a trash panda
Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don’t forget what it looks like outside
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4-year-old: It was nine.
Teaching her to count was a mistake.
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