Thanks a lot Apple, for calling 7 inches a mini.

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I’ll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won’t be listening. Because…cupcake.


friend: i just had an edible

me: you can just say food


She said she was turned on by men who liked danger.
So he disabled his firewall.


Obviously this cat thinks I won’t punch a cat


Him: Who’s The Man?!?

Me: Usually, not the guy who says ‘Who’s the man’….


Latex inflatable trousers, don’t leave home without them.
#Harikrishnan #Menswear #LondonCollegeOfFashion


I made a smoothie with oat milk. It was horrible. So next time I will use this recipe:

1.) Take carton of oat milk. Change name on carton to boat milk with sharpie.
2.) Next, float it out to middle of lake.
3.) Last, light it on fire like a Viking funeral.


I have decided to take a martial arts class to deal with the mall’s aggressive kiosk people.


Dad, did you let the parrot name me?

– Haha, no that’s ridiculous, Brock.


ME: what language is this
BING: croatian
ME: nice what does it say
BING: how the heck would I know