Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There’s no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.

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[texting in 1918]
*pigeon delivers message*
*msg reads: I don’t love you*
*turns to u*
why would u send this?
“it was 6 days ago. I was mad”


orange in the 60s, mus in the 70s, poon in the 80s, wu in the 90s. – the history of tang


I’ve gotten to the point in my parenting career where I don’t just vacuum up Legos, I laugh while I do it.


How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?


I hope my liberal use of made-up words doesn’t make you…discomfortable


me: before you hire me, you should know i take things

interviewer: like what?

me: time and care

interviewer: oh haha

me: also xanax, company money, and two-hour morning shits


Wife text from work on Easter. “Happy Easter” quick reply as joke “I’m going to grind on you so hard” opens text.Was group family text.truth