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@TheFearBoners: Thanks to home security commercials, I am now terrified of middle aged white men.
@marcodas146: I buy ribbed condoms, it makes my balloon Armadillos more realistic
@Marcmywords2: Your bio says you're 29, your selfies suggest you slept with Hemingway.
@jamdugg: I’ve been hit on by a number of women. That number is zero.
@WhatsHerFace33: "Operator, run this licence plate please
Echo Alpha Tango
Delta India Charlie Kilo"
- Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired.
@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune