One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there’s never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
Thanks to this face I’ve been forced to work on my personality and wit for decades.
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I love twitter
“Are you cold?”
*People who are cold*
Me: “Can I put this sweatshirt in the dryer?”
Wife: “Well, what does it say on it?”
Me: “Buffalo Sabres.”
Wife: “You’re an idiot”
The meat served in IKEA’s restaurant is made of people who couldn’t find the way out.
Their palms are sweaters, knees sweatery, arms are sweaters. There’s more sweater on their sweater already.
guard your heart, cater to no man’s ego, honor your own time and your energy, don’t use uber. happy 2015.
Incredible customer service.
Refrigerator ice dispensers are perfect for those times when you need either zero or 5000 ice cubes.
Me: I want to ask you one question – are you an ortho-DONT-ist, or an ortho-DO-ist?
Orthodontist: I’m not giving your cat braces