@3sunzzz

[Thanksgiving Dinner]

“Ursula, would you mind saying grace?”

“I’d be honored. Let us join hands and bow our heads. WAIT FOR IT…grace.”

You Might Also Like

@noduffers

Him: Your beautiful….
Me: My beautiful what? My beautiful WHAT?!!

@BoomBoomBetty

Uber, but for someone coming to your house and opening jars when you’re mad at your spouse.

@ScottLinnen

Someone robbed a Pensacola WallMart of 300 cases of Red Bull. How do these people sleep at night.

@Grommit56

A ghost appears in the room. It wants to tell me something, but won’t speak. It throws up it’s hands, as if trapped in another world.

Yeah, great. Just my luck I get haunted by a phantomime.

@AmishPornStar1

With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.

@3sunzzz

Teacher: Bob, how do you make a nail plural?

Dumb Bob: You add S.

T: *amazed* Yes! Come up to the board and show us.

DB: [writes] SNAIL

@Curly_gurl135

Just got every hair on my body waxed off except eyebrows and head. I look like a naked mole rat.
Men, come & get me if you’re into rodents.

@stockejock

I’m ready to be a father now that I’ve successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he’s so happy, he’s relaxing & floating on his back…wait…

@Token_Geezer

The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline

@pixelatedboat

You can’t trust the mainstream media, that’s why I get all my news from the giant in my dreams