13YO: Why’s he happy? He got dog-piled.
Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down.
Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
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welcome back to guitar 101 everybody. what now, steve?
uh, hey. are you gonna make the ‘snapped my g-string’ joke?
how does this make you feel
I’m speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I’m going.
I’m going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint “Welcome to chicago” on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.
Drier than a bar of soap after a 7yo has “washed his hands.”
this dog sucks at driving
“I’m not racist, but,” -Racists
Nothing in this life is certain, except death and taxes.
And stepping in water if you’re wearing socks.
My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream…