@MehrangizC

That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..

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@LindaInDisguise

13YO: Why’s he happy? He got dog-piled.

Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down.

Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE.

@WillSaysStuff

welcome back to guitar 101 everybody. what now, steve?

uh, hey. are you gonna make the ‘snapped my g-string’ joke?

no

*steve leaves*

@TheWriteStuff2u

I’m speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I’m going.

@Westoff123

I’m going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint “Welcome to chicago” on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.

@geowizzacist

Drier than a bar of soap after a 7yo has “washed his hands.”

@Tmoney68

Nothing in this life is certain, except death and taxes.

And stepping in water if you’re wearing socks.

@MasonCrossBooks

My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream…