@SamuelHLowe

That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.

You Might Also Like

@ThugRaccoons

Boss: I’m afraid I’m going to have to let you go

Me (a trapeze artist): Now!?!?

@amore_orless

Social media’s ruined everything. If I saw a dead body on my walk home my first thought would be to take a pic and caption it “Mood”

@Kids_kubed

When it says “fussy” and “cries excessively” on the medical form, are they asking about me or the baby?

@ibid78

[sees a kid at the park doing the pee pee dance]
“NO KID, WAIT-
[it starts raining buckets of pee]

@TheCatWhisprer

Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it’s like that now?

@iamspacegirl

a guy told me his name was Drazen earlier and he did not appreciate me asking if that was short for dried raisin

@flashember

“Alex is visiting later tonight.”

Alex from work or Alex the astronaut with amazing hearing?

[From the moon] It’s not me, Thelma. Hi Bob.

@AndrewChamings

PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little.

KID: Okay.

PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust.