Finally, a gender identity that fits me
That awkward moment when the
Priest uses YOUR confession as the
theme for his sermon.
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I heard fish is good for your brain but now I can’t get the smell out of my hair
People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They’re not laughing now because it was ages ago.
When ur friends with white people
Me: What’s wrong?
Wifi: You’re obsessed with the internet
Me: Give me one example
Wifi: Look how you’ve spelled wife
[driving car off a cliff]
Me: Haha 2019 does have flying cars
me: wow Pokemon names are getting more and more ridiculous, don’t you think so?
taco bell employee: *nods* taco bell employee
Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you’re crossing a border. Then don’t do that.
I’m gonna be late…
*Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego*
I’ve no idea to be honest with you…
Me: I’d like one thrift, please
Cashier: sir, we sell used-
Me: money is no object
C: we don’t-
M: I need a thrift