Many people are predicting a baby boom nine months from now, but I’m predicting a boom of really shitty screenplays.
That blue kool-aid that barbers keep their combs in tastes funny.
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Mall Cop: The guy from Jersey Shore stole a spray tan kit. He’s running up the escalator.
MC: THE SITUATION IS ESCALATING RAPIDLY
how I’ve been all holiday
I’m not saying motorcycles are dangerous, but the motorcycle section on Craigslist also has a lot of electric wheelchairs for sale.
Me: You won’t believe the dream I had last night! I slapped you in the face with a hot pizza.
M: *looks down*
*sees pepperoni all over*
Page 14: accept yourself as you are
Page 15: how to lose 5 Kg in 2 weeks
Page 16: best cake recipes ever..
My buddy’s PRETTY drunk…
So I took the car key off of his keychain…
He’s been trying to start his car with a house key for 4 hours now
The best thing about the Transformers trilogy was the part in the first one when my brother went to go get popcorn and fell down the aisle.
Clitorusaurus: A dinosaur never discovered by man
zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS
9th graders: whoa!
zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD
9th graders: but we don’t even have our driver’s licens–
zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS