That girl from The Exorcist was a real head turner

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Covid eyebrows: I pet them, comb them and sometimes ask my daughter to braid them…


AMBER: Can you put a candle in my husband’s burger?
WAITRESS: Aww, of course. Is it his birthday?
AMBER: No, I just want to see him eat a candle.


*brings a gun to a knife fight*
*brings a gun to a pillow fight*
*brings a gun to a food fight*
who keeps inviting this guy


Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it’s referring to Noah’s evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.


At the intermission of musicals there should be a very short football game


That awkward moment when you are introduced to someone and you have no idea if that person is their child or their spouse.


Everyone gets on the fashion industry for unrealistic beauty standards, but can we talk about unrealistic depictions of food on boxes?


*a jerk tries to punch me but I catch it perfectly in my mouth and swallow him whole like a snake*