@jazmasta: That hot guy you see on the train every day with headphones on? Imagine....imagine if he was listening to a podcast. Not so hot now is he?
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@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@DrunksWithGuns: Me: Don't look at me that way. Everyone pees in the shower. Her: Yes. Most people have the shower running. M: H: Please leave Home Depot.
@SarahR_82: Violently swerving ur car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesnt work like it does with humans. Just in case u need to know.
@SatansTongue: *Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!