@chris_witha_see

That moment of panic when you realize you haven’t checked on your Farmville in like 6 years

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@_Ellsie_

Yeah I can take a hint. I’m not going to though.

@Chyld

I want to open a pizza shop called “Cheesus Crust!” Our slogan will be: “Heavenly ingredients, served hot as Hell.” -or- “Crust has risen.”

@AyeGimp

Stand in a crowd, put your finger to your ear secret agent style, say out loud “target is in site!”, see who panics.

@TheMichaelRock

December 23rd should be called Christmas Adam since it always comes before Christmas Eve.

@AuthorGaylord

Let’s give each other some bad writing advice!

Type “You’re not a real writer unless you” then let predictive text do it’s thing.

Mine:

“You’re not a real writer unless you are an expert in the middle east.”

Oddly specific.

@radscientist_

I just walked into my room holding the remote and a glass of chocolate milk and I meant to toss the remote into my bed but instead I tossed the glass of chocolate milk onto my bed

@LuvPug

If you have to ask me if I want more cheese I’m just gonna assume you were dropped on your head as an adult.

@lazerdoov

Went to my uncle’s funeral today open bar pretty good food but my uncle was dead 3/5 stars

@Home_Halfway

I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance.