that moment when football players come out of the locker room and realize they’re all wearing the same thing again
You Might Also Like
You wanna watch DIE HARD? I’ll tell you who died hard. Christ. For your sins, buster.
Tell an English major how “impactful” something is.
JESUS: I am the way, the truth, and the life
ME: This guy is definitely an only child
My first son he is wonderful
God: you may ask me 1 question
Me: Why aren’t there lowercase and uppercase numbers?
Me: I wanna write loud numbers
Haunted house ideas:
-“we need to talk” room
-“you’re being audited” room
-“my period is late” room
-“two days before payday” room
Me: I’m just feeling really overwhelmed right now by your constant need for my attention. And you’re being like super pushy and needy and, I mean, I’m sorry if you feel rejected or whatever but like this is something you need to work on without me. Ok?
Bill collector: Um.
Facebook is where you’ll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting “stupid”.
*watching my hamster gnaw on his tiny broadsword*
you are a disgrace to your lineage and bring great shame upon this house