That moment when you make out with the air trying to find the straw in your glass

You Might Also Like


I tried a vegan recipe book last night. It was much tastier than any of the recipes in it.


Neighbours described the United Kingdom as a “quiet, well-mannered country” that “kept itself to itself”.


my cornflakes bring all the boys to my yard
& theyre like
this cereals hard
damn right
my cereals hard
u should add milk
so its not so sharp


I’m gonna be honest, I don’t even know where girls pee from


Dad: What do you want for your birthday?

Me: I want a gf thats not crazy.

Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon.


I was just published in Science Fiction Bin Monthly, the only sci-fi magazine that’s printed and then immediately thrown in a dumpster. You can read my story in this month’s issue, but you’ll have to fight a raccoon for it.


[in HR]

We’re letting you go because you won’t stop referring to going to the bathroom as “live streaming”


Freudian Slip.

What Freud wore under his skirt when he cross dressed on weekends.


a man in whole foods asked how i was doing and i said ok how are you and he said “it is beautiful in my soul today” and that’s why i never go to whole foods


Get noticed by more companies on LinkedIn by adding af to the end of all of your job titles.