@Scdavis24

That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like….

‘I’ve got nothing man.’

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@Megatronic13

Loan Officer: Denied

Me: maybe this will change your mind

*climbs on his desk & performs a perfect rendition of Take a Chance on Me, bank patrons are clapping & singing along*

Me: *catching my breath* well??

Loan Officer: ABBAsolutely not

@snowmedia

My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks “are you OK?”

@TechnicallyRon

The Mens Rights subreddit did a poll to show how diverses their users are. They are 80% Single, white, 18-24, american males. HAHAHAHAHAHA

@juliussharpe

I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler’s diarrhea.

@TonyWIVK

Starbucks says it will close 150 stores next year.

And that’s just in one mall.

@nayele18maybe

Shoutout to the toothpaste stain on my shirt for making it appear that I had a WAY better time this morning than I actually did.

@curlymalloy

Those stupid stress balls don’t work!!!… I just ate one, and it got stuck in my throat… And now, I’m more stressed than before!!!

@Storminika

I hate it when strangers question me. I’m with my kid, & this lady goes, ‘He’s cute. Who does he look like?’ I’m like, ‘Your husband’

@chagger73

My ex told me I’d never find another woman like her. nnI don’t think she was expecting the high 5 and happy dance I did right after.