Loan Officer: Denied
Me: maybe this will change your mind
*climbs on his desk & performs a perfect rendition of Take a Chance on Me, bank patrons are clapping & singing along*
Me: *catching my breath* well??
Loan Officer: ABBAsolutely not
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like….
‘I’ve got nothing man.’
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My mom worries about me too much. We were having a phone conversation till she dropped her phone. She picks it up and asks “are you OK?”
The Mens Rights subreddit did a poll to show how diverses their users are. They are 80% Single, white, 18-24, american males. HAHAHAHAHAHA
A zombie apocalypse would barely make the news.
I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler’s diarrhea.
Starbucks says it will close 150 stores next year.
And that’s just in one mall.
Shoutout to the toothpaste stain on my shirt for making it appear that I had a WAY better time this morning than I actually did.
Those stupid stress balls don’t work!!!… I just ate one, and it got stuck in my throat… And now, I’m more stressed than before!!!
I hate it when strangers question me. I’m with my kid, & this lady goes, ‘He’s cute. Who does he look like?’ I’m like, ‘Your husband’
My ex told me I’d never find another woman like her. nnI don’t think she was expecting the high 5 and happy dance I did right after.