@McJesse: That moment you realize "The Beatles" is a pun.
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@BunAndLeggings: Toddler: I want toast Me to husband: I don't want to give her toast Husband: just tell her she already ate it Me: you already ate your toast Toddler: *eyes narrow* Husband: you said it was yummy Toddler: *walks away*
@deedles420: My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I've never even seen a werewolf.
@DanMentos: “Hi I’m Dave and I’m an alcoholic” *uncomfortable murmur* “I’ll be your captain today. Our flight time into Phoenix will be 3 hours and