On the bright side, when wearing a face mask, I pick my nose in public much less often.
That’s great about your engagement, promotion and new car.
I grabbed the EXACT amount of hangers I needed to put away laundry.
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The average person has sex 103 times a year and it’s almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
*Beethoven & orchestra take stage*
HECKLER: (chanting) Ode to Joy! Ode to Joy!
Beethoven: –we’re gonna play some new stuff
Sorry I smacked your face with a rolled up newspaper.
Maybe a little less mascara next time… I have arachnophobia.
You threw. Our tea. In the harbour. And then you changed the spelling of harbour. We do not. Forget.
girls talk about makeup like it’s a damn weapon, “what eyeshadow is that?” oh its the Mac 35XZ10 pro supreme blend 10 points to Gryffindor
Recipes that call for cheese are always 2 cups short.
*tries to discreetly wipe up my spilled drink with your cat*
The mask helps cover up a bad mood, but my middle finger gives me away.
I’m a kleptomaniac
It’s ok though, I’m taking something for it