@ElleOhHell Many English names are derived from occupations, like Fletcher (arrow maker), Cooper (barrel maker), or Cunningham (tricky pig).
@AdamOfEarth “That’s one small step for man. That’s one open fridge for man. That’s one good sandwich for-”
“Neil! Stop.”
“I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET”
You Might Also Like
@ElleOhHell 
@DickMarcs Confuse vegetarians by cutting vegetables into animal shapes.
@RidiculousSheri I’m not saying I’ve got a girl crush on you, I’m just saying lesbiadorable together.
@trishm426 Hey kids, please don’t wash the 13 glasses you’ve already left in the sink. Just grab a clean one next time you’re thirsty.
@offbeatoliv Don’t perform CPR because you never know when a giant alien spider is dressed in a human suit.
@TheRealDratch Trying to get lunch w 4 yo in restaurant: “If you can’t behave we’re going to have to leave here.”
“But I want to leave here.”
Touché.
@ValeeGrrl My daughter called Neapolitan ice cream “three-way” ice cream & I’m not sure I’ll correct her cuz I’m a horrible person & it makes me laugh.
@Marcmywords2 “Name?”
Well, some people call me the space cowboy, some people call me the gangster of love, some people call me Maur…
“Sir, have you ever been tazzed at the DMV before.”
@Steelers1972 Hey Verizon, here’s an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.
@Bownuggets Sexy singles are waiting to talk to u. They don’t sleep. They wait. Forever waiting. Will u free them from this sexy prison? Call now