@DumbConfessions God: Women will bleed for a week.
Universe: What will men do for pleasure at that time?
God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they’ll talk. A lot.
@Ms_Moneypenny_ The 1st to apologize is the bravest. The 1st to forgive, the strongest. The 1st to forget, the happiest.nnThe first to kill the other, WINS.
You Might Also Like
@DumbConfessions 
@beefman138 I will never refer to ‘drunk me’ or ‘sober me’ because that implies the second one exists.
@Pork_Chop_Hair My Favorite Store: Here is an awesome coupon for 89% off any regular priced item!
Also My Favorite Store: We’re gonna put everything just a tiny bit on sale to render all coupons useless
@kyry5 I never got why people liked sitting home without pants so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I don’t get why people have jobs.
@Rollinintheseat Boss: “Do you know why I called you in here?”
Me: “To see if I can read minds?”
@iLikeCatShirts Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and hey why did you bring all these goats they’re eating this luscious grass.
@Shade510 Anybody here really good at Wheel of Fortune? I need help figuring out a drunk dm.
@UncleDuke1969 *Batman voice*
“I’m Batman.”*Wife voice*
“Go empty the dishwasher, Batman.”
@PaperWash what forbidden atrocity did Santa Clause commit to be cursed to have to drink 500,000,000 glasses of warm milk in one night every year for eternity?
@XplodingUnicorn My 1-year-old stabbed a stuffed animal with a broken plastic spoon.
She learned to fight in prison.