Joke of the day
The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It’s only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.
You Might Also Like
Wrestling is obviously fake.
Why would two people fight
over a belt when neither of
them are wearing pants?
Sometimes I’ll casually say “what else do you want?” on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I’m ordering for more than just me.
Cute guy: Can I pet your dog?
Me: (several blocks later) I have soft hair too. 🙁
Dentist: open wide
Dentist: not your arms
My kid started doing this annoying preteen whiny voice and now I can turn my head all the way around like the exorcist.
I texted my wife with “ROTFHAHA” & she replied with “LMAO” so I don’t think she understands that I’m having a heart attack.
Me: So which one do you like? I like this one with the ocean in the background
DMV: For the last time sir, you can’t submit your own photo
god: [looking down at earth] let me see your binoculars for a sec
angel: [perspiring freely] promise you won’t get mad
Her: have you had the sex talk with our son yet?
Me: *looks over at son wearing crocs* I think we can wait a few years