CASHIER: okay, 2 slim jims, a bag of skittles, a car air freshener, an Archie comic, and a minion doll, that’ll be $17.62
ME: great, do u gift wrap? gotta get these under the tree before the wife wakes up
The angel on my shoulder says I should be doing more with my life.
Wait, no, that’s just my mom talking. I forgot I left my phone there.
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I will continue putting this peanut butter on the wrong side of each saltine until my demands are met.
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