the area 51 thing but someone makes an event called “Don’t Go To Work, They Can’t Fire All of Us” and then we trick everyone into a general strike by calling it a “meme”

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Don’t you hate it when you misjudge a moment of silence and lean in for a kiss.

Worst police interrogation ever.


Do you think Ariel ate the scallops whose shells she wears as a bra or that she just found them?

Waiter: I meant any questions about our menu.


Only in Canada during a winter storm will you see kids playing road hockey.


Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.


*wife wonders where I am*
*hears every musical snowman in the store start singing*
*knows where I am*


You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.


Movies led me to believe there would be a whole lot more unlocked cars just sitting around with the keys tucked away in the overhead visor.


Karate classes…
Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you.