”I want to ruin some songs today.” -The producers of Glee every morning.
The atoms that make up your body are ancient things, recycled over millions of years. You are made of stars, and also dead raccoons.
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The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was “I know how to start a fire!” so nothing you guys say today can scare me.
My dogs have requested that I stop trying to homeschool them.
[doesn’t moisturize for three nights in a row]
Welp, I guess I’m ready for Halloween now.
*whispering* i like going for a drive and running my fingers through your hair
bus driver: well, i do not
#TheResistance is everywhere! #ScienceMarch #EarthDay
i came here to try to be funny, but instead, i’ve made a lot of friends. i count that as a massive failure
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? It’s because you are feeding them bread Karen.
‘Shake It Off’ is probably my favorite urinal sing-along song.