@whatmaddness

The atoms that make up your body are ancient things, recycled over millions of years. You are made of stars, and also dead raccoons.

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@samalmightysam

”I want to ruin some songs today.” -The producers of Glee every morning.

@maughammom

The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was “I know how to start a fire!” so nothing you guys say today can scare me.

@LoveNLunchmeat

[doesn’t moisturize for three nights in a row]

Welp, I guess I’m ready for Halloween now.

@fightgeek

*whispering* i like going for a drive and running my fingers through your hair

bus driver: well, i do not

@merylnyc

#TheResistance is everywhere! #ScienceMarch #EarthDay

@FredTaming

i came here to try to be funny, but instead, i’ve made a lot of friends. i count that as a massive failure

@sophielou

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? It’s because you are feeding them bread Karen.