@gobmentcheese: The automatic toilet flusher is taking away your rights!
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@fart: if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas
@LeannaZaiden: This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.
@dorkwing_duck: Young God: ok, a little hydrogen and- *chemistry set explodes* Mom: what was that?! God: nothing! *scoops resulting universe into shoebox*