IF ANYONE EVER ASKS YOU WHAT TIME IT IS PUT ON SHADES AND SAY “ITS SHOWTIME”
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him.
He gets that from his mother.
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“If you don’t let the Jews go, I will find you. I will kill you.”
Liam Neeson returns in…
TAKEN 3: SCHINDLER’S PISSED
[my first day as a 911 operator]
*eating peanut butter with a spoon* 911 wath er mumergy
Name brands really are better. For instance, I just found out that the Tide pen works much better on stains than regular pens
Holy crap, I need an ambulance!
*checks insurance deductible*
Nevermind, I’ll just take a vitamin or something.
can u cough for me please?
i see i see. i’m afraid you have a cough
[guy who’s about to invent restaurants]
*eating alone* what if i added social anxiety to this
My ex wife asked me to check on her house while she was on vacation….
Google Earth says everything is just fine.
Apologies to my forehead for assuming that automatic doors will just “open.”
It’s going to take 14 years to put Harriet on the $20? I’ve got a friend in Chesterfield Square who can print some off in an hour..