@EmSlyce

The baby has started yelling at us in what I can only assume is angry German

You Might Also Like

@Marlebean

I’m young, but not “know exactly why I came into this room” young.

@JoshontheGo

I’ve worn glasses three quarters of my life, but I still manage to poke myself in the eye every now and then putting them on!

@Fickle_Filly

Sorry I typed “Lucky escape!” instead of “I’m so sorry your wedding has been cancelled.”

@SvnSxty

finally old enough to understand that “fake it till you make it” and “practice makes perfect” are the same advice

@Mr_Kapowski

Coworker: I couldn’t sleep. Just thinking all night

Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day

@NurseSeymour

Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he’ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.

@LoveNLunchmeat

Eggs Benedict are delicious if you don’t mind having a breakfast that’s also spying on you.

@SamGrittner

They don’t hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It’s Restockholm syndrome.

@daemonic3

[math class]

How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don’t have feet?

“By crawling to the counter?”

GET OUT