I’m young, but not “know exactly why I came into this room” young.
The baby has started yelling at us in what I can only assume is angry German
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I’ve worn glasses three quarters of my life, but I still manage to poke myself in the eye every now and then putting them on!
her: what are you, like, six feet?
me: *muffled foot noises*
Sorry I typed “Lucky escape!” instead of “I’m so sorry your wedding has been cancelled.”
finally old enough to understand that “fake it till you make it” and “practice makes perfect” are the same advice
Coworker: I couldn’t sleep. Just thinking all night
Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he’ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
Eggs Benedict are delicious if you don’t mind having a breakfast that’s also spying on you.
They don’t hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It’s Restockholm syndrome.
How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don’t have feet?
“By crawling to the counter?”