@_steamy_mac: “The baby’s been crying all day, we should microwave some fish.” - my neighbours
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@GrimReaperInc: Men: We'll never understand women. Women: We'll never understand men. Dogs: We'll never understand cats. Cats: We'll never understand dogs. Raccoons: We'll never understand why you're throwing out all this great garbage.
@OneFunnyMummy: I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods
@better_off_dad: The clearest evidence that I’ve gone insane is the fact that I pay monthly for a land line.