@_steamy_mac: “The baby’s been crying all day, we should microwave some fish.” - my neighbours
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@livingnBoston: NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?
@QwertyJones3: [Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say "tackle", not "tickle".
@RealJinjaNinja: Three steps to start a relationship. 1- buy a sheep 2- name it "relation" 3- now you have a relationsheep.