“The old lady I see in the park every day has had her house raided.”
“No, I usually just say good morning to her”.
The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn’t leave the oven on.
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Government Shutdown: Day Three
Jellystone Park still closed.
Still no pic-a-nic baskets.
Yogi stares at Boo-Boo…
Boo-Boo looks tasty.
getting real tired of hearing opinions on murder from people outside the murderer community
9*picking his nose*
wife:Get your finger out of your nose!
me [alone in the bedroom] *takes finger out of nose* *whispers* How did she know?
If I were a werewolf I wouldn’t have to chain myself up at night because I don’t like going out anyway.
Getting a cat is SO much easier. Go outside. Put cat food out. Pet whatever comes to eat it. Best 30 raccoons I’ve ever had. Also rabies.
why is it called godzilla vs kong instead of when hairy met scaly
(invention of the crib)
put that baby in jail
[buying shoes for our kids]
her: which do you like better
me: idk probably our daughter