@KevinBuffalo

The best place to get pumpkins cheap is driving around the neighborhood at 4AM. Got 5 nice ones this morning.

You Might Also Like

@skepti_ghoul

Thinking about going to 50 Shades and eating loudly the whole time.

@djdarrellripley

Me: Who could that be? It’s 2:00 in the morning.

Her: I don’t know. Do burglars knock?

Me: It depends on how they were raised…

@LeahTiscione

I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry

@moist_jeff

I set up a camera in my room like in paranormal activity but it’s just 8 hours of me waving & walking down imaginary stairs behind my bed.

@Moldy_Jellybean

My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.

@alrightjam

Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no

@Illuminati_Stop

“WATERMELON” HAS 4 SYLLABLES. “ILLUMINATI” HAS 5 SYLLABLES. THAT’S PRETTY CLOSE. WATERMELON IS ILLUMINATI.