Thinking about going to 50 Shades and eating loudly the whole time.
The best place to get pumpkins cheap is driving around the neighborhood at 4AM. Got 5 nice ones this morning.
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Me: Who could that be? It’s 2:00 in the morning.
Her: I don’t know. Do burglars knock?
Me: It depends on how they were raised…
I thought reverse psychology was when you made your therapist cry
I set up a camera in my room like in paranormal activity but it’s just 8 hours of me waving & walking down imaginary stairs behind my bed.
My signature move is getting drunk before anyone can ask me to be the designated driver.
Shouldn’t elevators have a different name for the trip back down?
Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
In hell, everyone can see your Google search history.
“WATERMELON” HAS 4 SYLLABLES. “ILLUMINATI” HAS 5 SYLLABLES. THAT’S PRETTY CLOSE. WATERMELON IS ILLUMINATI.