@TheMichaelRock: The best salesperson ever was the first woman to shave off her eyebrows and draw them back on, then convince a second woman to do it.
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@vikkaroni: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I? I took a nap until I finally heard a car coming."
@kirkobainz: If white people know how to say Daenerys Targaryen, they can learn to pronounce your name correctly.
@poizngrl: Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches