The best thing about being over 25 is that no one can find embarrassing Youtube videos of you as a kid.

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Award for the best actress goes to my 7YO for her performance as a starving deprived child right before bedtime


🎶Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me🎶



I like to tell my husband “this marriage ends in death” and let him interpret that however he wants.


*Eats a Lean Cuisine

*20 minutes go by.

*Devours entire Pizza Hut store…including employees.


I did a bad I need to share
I broke a thing they can’t repair
I tried denial I tried despair
But settled on a vacant stare


I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.


Me: [on mars] *opening bag of chips*

My dog: *blasts off from earth*


I don’t believe in marriage but I believe in monogamy.
Or mahogany? Anyway I think this table will hold us but be careful. It was grandma’s.