@Whatevah_Amy

The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.

You Might Also Like

@DaHess1

People think it’s great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age.

I like 10 year olds.

See? Creepy. I’ll wait in the van.

@G_Faylor

an apple drops from a tree and hits me perfectly in the head but i don’t act like some big science guy

@jonnysun

i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt hav any chicken so i fried a egg and now im waitig for it to hatch

@jordan_stratton

ME: You’re saying I’m not smart enough for this job?

BOSS: Well, yes.

ME: [points to computer] Just because I can’t use the typewriter TV?

@Xalqee

I have a very defined ab.
That’s not a typo, I only have a single ab

@jackies_backie

I don’t get it when I see skinny people running….. aren’t you done???

@causticbob

On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004.

Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.

@JKickinit30

You can’t control what people say or do. The only thing you can control is how much accelerant to use.

@VanGobot

*bank robbery*
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late