People think it’s great if you like kids but will freak out if you assign an age.
I like 10 year olds.
See? Creepy. I’ll wait in the van.
The best thing about snow is that now my lawn looks as good as the neighbor’s.
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an apple drops from a tree and hits me perfectly in the head but i don’t act like some big science guy
I can see your camouflage pants, so they’re not working.
i wanted som fried chicken but i didnt hav any chicken so i fried a egg and now im waitig for it to hatch
ME: You’re saying I’m not smart enough for this job?
BOSS: Well, yes.
ME: [points to computer] Just because I can’t use the typewriter TV?
I have a very defined ab.
That’s not a typo, I only have a single ab
I don’t get it when I see skinny people running….. aren’t you done???
On this day eleven years ago, Greece won Euro 2004.
Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.
You can’t control what people say or do. The only thing you can control is how much accelerant to use.
ROBBER: nobody moves, nobody gets hurt!
ME: *gazing tearfully at a pic of my long distance gf* too late