@stevevsninjas: The big phone companies don't want you to know that you can get a free call whenever you want by punching a cop.
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@bobvulfov: COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test ME: ok COP: lets get taco bell ME: no COP: text ur ex ME: no COP: ok ur good
@TheToddWilliams: [team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach! Coach: This is tennis.
@Shock_Monster: Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.
@BigPlanetEarth: People are like books. You can't judge them by the outside and it's not cool to burn a big pile of them.