GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in!
GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I’m good.
The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!
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Sometimes I worry that maybe I’ll never have sex again then I look at OKCupid and kind of start to feel at peace with the idea.
I always wanted to die like a king.
According to the increase in my cheese intake it looks like that king will be Elvis Presley.
The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it’s a Chinese product that’s lasted more than a month.
I’m a carb girl, born and bread
Wife: Wait here.
Wife: Hold my purse.
Me: Yes, ma’am.
*looks in purse*
*waves at testicles*
Me: *sigh* I miss you guys!
Flame has not adjusted back to house life yet. She stole a cinnamon roll from the kitchen and ate it.
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most?
A: Good Fry-day.
#GoodFriday #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
(Cereal Mascot Support Meeting)
TRIX BUNNY: I don’t understand why I can’t have any of the cereal.
LUCKY CHARMS LEPRECHAUN: I don’t understand why these kids keep stealing mine.
FREDDY KREUGER: I think I’ve wandered into the wrong group, but have any of you thought about murder?
Writing a personal ad. So far I have:
Has all own teeth